Breaking Free

I stay,


Behind closed doors.

I lay,


On the cold floor.

And I stare,


What am I searching for?

But you glare,


Right into my core.

Let the darkness take me away,

Let it engulf me;

Let me decay.

Let it dro~wn


The sound.

Let it numb;


Where is that gun?

Let it burn,

Let it sting;

It’s now my turn,

To have wings.

And I’ll be free,

Of everything;

I’ll be free,

From all of you.


Trapped in a web of pretense…I break free


I hear laughter and I want to rip my hair out.

Whenever I hear a cheerful voice, my hands slam my ears. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t bear it.  Is it real?

How can everyone around me be so happy and carefree, while I’m so isolated and miserable? How could two opposite worlds be so close? They say opposites attract. Is that why I’ve become what I am today? Was it my cheerful attitude that attracted this depressed one? Is that why I wish I didn’t exist? Because I used to be happy? Well, I’m miserable now, so why aren’t I attracting any happiness?

Or does it only work once?

I was happy and now I’m not. And I can’t go back.

I hate everyone so much, even my own family. And I don’t know why. I have so much anger inside of me and I can’t let it out. So I suppress it and wait till the day it will all combust. The day I will lose all of my sanity, and then maybe…Things would change.

Would the change be good or bad? Will it make me happy again? I still can’t grasp this horrible fact, that I’ll remain this way forever. I don’t know how to stop it; I don’t know to rid myself of it. So I just wait. Wait for something to get rid of it for me.

I believe -and I don’t know why- that one day I’ll wake up, and everything will be okay. We’ll be a happy family again with no sorrow, anger, or vengeance spreading through our souls. We’d be  normal and not afraid to show our true selves.


cmh tree.jpg
Alone…Surrounded by people.

What a dark world I live in.

When will this denial end and the realization of what is real begin? When will I accept my ugly self for who it really is? When will I realize that my ugly self is me, and no one else?